Earth Infected
by epiphanylens
Summary: Caught in the in-betweens of a world crumbling to its knees, the four turtles and their family find themselves slowly falling apart. It seems their lives are slipping between their fingers as this story leads up to the dreaded plot of "Same as it Never was", explaining thoroughly how they got to such a startling position of weakness. Read on to discover their story. (SAINW world)
1. Chapter 1: Infected

Prologue

The one who gave everything.

The one who lived.

The one who blames himself.

The one who can't forgive.

The one who sacrificed.

No one ever knew the amount of agony which would fall upon the world the day Oroku Saki unleashed his deadliest weapon. We don't really know why he did it so out of the blue, so sudden, never giving anyone so much as a hint as to when it would happen. Not even his daughter, Karai, knew about the events which were about to take place upon this young planet of ours. Some suspect he was bored, some suspect it was an accident..but some suspect it was because of the deep hatred he had stored away in what was left of his wretched little heart. He had lost his fight so many times that he had twisted himself into something more than just a man who wanted to dominate those weaker than himself. No, he was much more than that at this point. He was bloodthirsty, prowling the hunt like a beast among lambs. He was ready to destroy, and not just the world around him, a world which was more like a cage than a place of freedom. Oroku Saki, The Shredder, the most cruel being on the face of the earth, was ready to destroy our family, ripping it apart piece by piece until he was satisfied with his work.

On November 29th of the year 2017, approximately 1:43 A.M, Shredder released a massive super virus, sending volunteers who would give their lives to spread the virus out into four major cities in the United States: New York City, San Francisco, California, Houston, Texas, and Chicago, Illinois. It killed 5,000 innocent people within two weeks.

Doctors tried everything to come up with a cure, but everything they did was a failure, what with most of the doctors dying from contracting the disease from their patients before they could get any further in their studies. By the end of the first month, Earth was in a panic, declaring a world wide epidemic. Airlines were shut down, railways blocked off, and checkpoints were set at every border, whether it be state or country. No one was allowed in, and no one was to go out. The people of Earth truly believed it was the end for us all, saying their final prayers and preparing themselves for a sickly death. And then the worst happened.

It reached us.

(NOTE: This story includes my OC's Anocari and Avolla. Anocari is the wife of Donatello and Avolla is the wife of Leonardo. This story is also told in the perspective of different characters in each chapter, so please pay attention to the note of which character is speaking at the beginning of each chapter.)

Earth Infected

Chapter 1

Speaking: Anocari

First come the symptoms: Itchiness. Swelling of the infected area. Bronchial spasms. And worst of all, the burning.

We all sat in a silent shock as Raph's screams echoed through the walls of the lair, making his pain all too real for us.

"_IT HURTS! OH GOD IT-IT IT HURTS..P-PLEASE! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT-MAKE..!" _Every now and again a sob would escape between the horrifying pleas, "_GOD IT BURNS! IT-IT'S BURINING MY SKIN OFF! IT'S GOING-GOING TO..PLEASE! OH GOD PLEASE IT HURTS! STOP THE BURNING! STOP THE BURNING! STOP THE-THE..STOP..PLEASE! KILL ME! KILL ME! DO ANYTHING TO MAKE IT STOP BURNING ME ALIVE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PL-"_

Finally, there was silence, but his agony still seemed to ring through our ears, playing his screams over and over again in our minds. I think at that moment we all knew we'd be haunted by this day for the rest of our lives, never once letting us forget the terrible events before, and the ones that were still to come. You see, Raph was infected, and none of us knew if we were ever going to see him alive again after that night.

I squeezed Donny's hand as the door to Splinter's room slid open, the place where he had been examining Raph. It was a horrifying realization to think that my brother-in-law could be lying dead in Splinter's room at that very moment, and it brought tears to my eyes. Donny put his hand over mine as he felt me tremble, feeling every bit the same amount of fear I did for his brother's life, probably even more. I looked around the room as everyone tried to make themselves appear as if they were prepared for the worst, but I knew deep down no one really was..not even Master Splinter.

Splinter, set the tip of his wooden cane lightly down on the hard floor, a haunting silence falling over the room. He sighed, thinking for a moment, then lowered his grip on the cane, "My son's and daughters..Your brother, Raphael, has indeed been infected by the Shredder's super virus.." We all seemed to swallow at the same moment, frozen in time together.

Leo sat up, his hands gripping the edge of his seat, Avolla at his side, "But..will he...?"

Splinter was quiet for a moment, then slowly began to nod his head, "He will live..but he will still suffer much pain as long as there is no cure found for the infection..I have used Master Yoshi's ancient healing techniques to slow the process by a tenfold..but the infection will continue to spread throughout his body as long as he is alive, and will need constant treatments of the same kind."

"Is he.." Mikey began in a nervous tone, "contagious...?"

He sighed, nodding sorrowfully, "Raphael will be contagious for the next 48 hours..the amount of time in which the disease would normally kill a person.." In that moment, Splinter lowered his eyes once again, letting the room fall into its awful pit of silence, just as it was while we listened to Raphael's aching screams. Closing his eyes, he tightened his grip around the neck of his cane, trying to find a way to speak the words we were all yearning to hear.

Donny was the first to lean forward as he stared at the painful look on Splinter's face, "...Father?"

Leo followed after him, realizing there was more to this grimacing explanation than we had previously thought, "..Father..what is it? What's wrong?" Splinter was silent, still, "..Father please tell me what's going on..please..we need to know! We can't just sit here and-"

"Leonardo," Master Splinter spoke his name softly, just as if he were talking to a sleeping infant, "I..." he opened his eyes, looking up at his son with grief in his sorrowful gaze, "I do not have much time."

Leo stepped forward, reaching a hand out towards Splinter, "What do you-"

Splinter suddenly jumped back, avoiding the touch of Leo's hand on his body, making us all stare in complete shock.

Leo stood in his own confusion, staring at Splinter with longing in his eyes, "W-why?"

"I am sorry...my sons..but you may not touch me nor stand too close.." Splinter took a deep breath, holding it in for a moment as if he were holding the secrets of the universe in a single breath of air, "Because I am the one who must treat your brother..I have come into contact.. with the infection..therefore.."

"No..no...Father..no..." Leo stood, shaking as the color began to drain from his face.

"Leonardo, let me finish.."

"Father no!"

"Leonardo!"

"No! I won't let you say it! I won't! I can't! I-"

Splinter slammed his cane down on the hard floor, the clacking sound echoing through our ears as we sat in utter disbelief, "Leonardo you will silence yourself and listen to your father in the remaining hours he has left to live!"

I put my hands over my mouth as I watched Leo tremble and fall to his knees, sobbing for the life of his father, his master, the only one who ever looked after him his entire life. Donny's hand was shaking as he gripped my knee, tears falling silently down his cheeks. Mikey sat, silent, as he was the whole time, staring endlessly at his father as his tears wetted the edges of his orange mask. No one could move, not even Avolla could find the strength to kneel with Leo as he knelt before Splinter, his weakest hour finally upon him.

Silently, Splinter knelt in front of Leo, placing his cane gently on his lap, "My son, look at me.." Leo's lip trembled as he raised his eyes to look into the face of his dying father. Splinter looked up at all of us, "All of you, look at me..listen to me.." I grabbed Donny's arm, feeling it shake alongside my own, "..My purpose in life was to protect all of you..my sons..my daughters. All of you are my joy in life, and I would protect your lives in the face of the utmost evils in this world..even if it means giving up my own.." He paused for a moment, "It was the only way I could protect your brother, the only way he would be able to continue living and fighting alongside all of you. I am giving my life to save my family..just as Master Yoshi did so long ago.."

Slowly, in front of my eyes, in front of the eyes of his family, Leo broke down...falling slowly away into an abyss of which he would never be able to escape. A wise man by the name of John C. Maxwell once said, "A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way." and without Master Splinter..there was no one to show us the way..we were truly lost.

That night, I held Donny tightly in my arms as he sobbed softly onto my shoulder. I felt the back of his neck with my fingertips as I felt tears of my own fall down my cheeks, which were rested on his head while he kept it buried in my chest.

"What..what are we going to do without him..?" his tattered breaths vibrated gently against my body as he squeezed me tighter, "W-what...what will we do?"

I bit my lip and closed my eyes, taking a deep breath, which was interrupted by stutters as I tried to hold the sobs back, hoping I could be strong for him, "I don't know, my Love..but..you must believe that you and you brothers can move on from this.. you must.."

He pulled his head back from my chest and I raised my hand to wipe away the puddles under his eyes, "Nothing will ever be the same when he's gone..nothing..and Raph.. I can't even stand to think about the amount of pain he will be in for the rest of his life...what's worse is that Leo has to take lessons from..from.." he let out another sob, unable to say Splinter's name without bursting back into tears.

I stroked his cheeks, trying to calm him down as much as I could, "Shh..it's alright...just speak to me...tell me what's hurting..just let it out.."

He sniffled, looking into my eyes with suffering beneath his own, "You saw how Leo was...he refuses to believe..yet he must learn how to heal Raph the same way..he has to spend the last remaining days as Splinter's student...and not his son.."

I thought for a moment about how horrifying that must be for Leo..having to look his father in the face every hour of his last moments, unable to embrace him, unable to care for him, forced to learn the same techniques that Splinter used to give his life up. I ached inside for him, knowing Leo had always been closest to Splinter..not only as a son, but spiritually. He was always his best student, thriving on the lessons he would learn each day during sparring practices and meditation sessions. Leo lived for everything Splinter taught him..and now..everything he ever lived for was slowly slipping away before his eyes..and there was nothing he could do to stop it.


	2. Chapter 2: Unforgiving

Chpater 2: Unforgiving

Speaking: Leonardo

We laid Master Splinter's body to rest in the park three days later.

We all stood around his grave in silence, a wooden plank sticking out of the ground with his name carefully carved into it, and his cane propped gently next to it, wearing our black coats and hats, hoping, praying, that somehow we could hear his voice one last time. On that day, it was only myself and Avolla, Don and Anocari, and Mikey at his graveside..Raph was still unconscious from his own infection, and resting at the lair. I was afraid of what might happen when he did wake up, knowing that he was fully unaware that Splinter was even gone..

Don, Anocari, and Mikey walked slowly past me after saying their final goodbyes, Don stopping to put a hand on my shoulder, "Leo..don't stay too late, alright?"

I looked down, realizing that he knew me all too well. I could have stayed by his grave for hours, even days, if he had just kept walking.

Anocari turned towards me, letting go of Don's arm to face me. She put her hands on my arms, squeezing them gently, "You know..he will always be here, even when he's not." I nodded, trying to give her a little bit of a smile. Anocari had always been a good sister to me, somehow knowing exactly what to say and how to say it. She let out a short sigh and smiled weakly at me, extending her arms to hug me tightly, then turned to walk away with Don.

I looked at Avolla after everyone else was gone, seeing her stare at Splinter's grave just as mournfully as I had. I took her hand as she looked back at me, "Why don't you go back to the lair and get some rest.."

She stepped close to me, placing her head against my chest, "I can hear your heartbeat..it beats so slowly.."

I put my hands on her shoulders, "And what does my heartbeat have to do with anything?"

She smiled, "It's a good heartbeat. Gentle, kind, just as you are." She lifted her head to look me in the face, "Leo..this pain..no matter how much it hurts, it won't last forever. Remember to realize you aren't just a hard shell on the outside..no pun intended."

I smiled a little at her, proud that she could still make a joke in times like these, "I know..I know."

She kissed me on the cheek and squeezed my hand, "I love you. See you back at the lair."

Once she was out of sight, I took a seat on the yellowing grass around the grave. Looking around, everything was dying..just withering away..even the humans of Earth were dwindling in numbers. The super virus had been out for nearly two years now..and we did our best to stop it..but there was nothing we could do. We were so foolish..to think we could stop something like that..if only we had just stayed away..Raph wouldn't have contracted the virus.. God..how we acted like foolish children that day, thinking we could simply charge in and force Shredder to create a cure. All it did was cause the exact opposite..more infections..more deaths..

I sighed heavily, reaching into the pocket of my black trench coat. Just before Splinter passed, he used what strength he had left to write a message, specifically to be read by me. He explained to me that he was worried about how Raph would take the fact that he was gone, and wanted me to make sure he would be alright.

I unfolded it slowly, afraid of how I would react to the words within it.

"_Leonardo, _

_I expect that by now you have laid me to rest in the park, just as I requested. I know it is hard for you to read this letter I have written, but you must heed my words, my son. Your brother is not light of heart. You need to understand that he will be difficult upon his waking hours, and that you are the only one who can properly contain his emotions. It will, and I stress, will be difficult to do what I am about to ask of you, but it is the only way to make sure there is no further pain in our family. Do not lie to Raphael about the cause of my death. You must tell him the truth. He will not take it lightly, and will grow weary from the truth, but he will heal in time. Bring him to my grave when you tell him and let him mourn properly. _

_Enclosed in a small wooden box placed upon the table in my room, I have left another letter for Raphael. He will be unsettled for not being able to say his goodbyes to me, so I hope this letter will comfort his heart. Please give it to him when you bring him to my grave. He will not run once he reads my words._

_To conclude this letter, I want you to realize that you will always be my son, even if I am not there to be your father anymore. Cherish your time alive, just as I did raising you and your brothers..fathering the four of you, seeing you grow, learn, fall in love, it was all I needed in my life. Nothing has made me more proud than seeing how far all of my strong sons have gotten in life. I love all of you, and hope that you will only grow stronger to live rich, full lives, fathering your own children and watching them grow as I have watched you. _

_I will always be with you, my son._

_Your Father_

_Hamato Splinter _

I folded the letter with tears in my eyes, quickly shoving it back into my pocket. How could he ask such a thing of me? He knew just as well as I did how Raph would react if he knew he... if he knew he was the reason he had to die..He would go insane, crazy! There was no way I could ever help him if he was in that state..

I lowered my head as I stood back up, clenching my fists tightly, "I'm sorry Master..but I must disobey you this time.."

I felt such anger, such hate building up inside as I turned to head back to the lair. I was furious at Shredder..furious that he was the reason Raph was infected..the reason Splinter had to save him and contract the virus. It was all his fault..every bit of it, and I couldn't help thinking he knew it would end like this. He knew we would come after him, targeting him for spreading the sickness..so he took advantage of us, taking out our master to make us even weaker. I wanted revenge..I wanted vengeance.. So many times we thought it was the end with him, but this time he had crossed the line. I was finished with his 'games'..I wanted him dead..

Suddenly, a wave of anger flooded over me, and I started to run. I ran, unable to feel my legs beneath me as the adrenaline took over my body, the length of my black coat waving behind me in the wind. I knew in that moment I would go to Shredder. I would face him alone, and this time, I would put him to rest for good, even if it meant putting my own life to rest. At least..then I'd be with my master again.

I yelled angrily as sweat began to run down the sides of my face, overwhelmed with the feeling inside of me, "_Shredder! Shredder, you will pay! I will never, NEVER, forgive you for this! I'll never forgive you for killing my father!"_


	3. Chapter 3: Blurred Vision

Chapter 3: Blurred Vision

Speaking: Leonardo

The air was cool and calm that evening as I perched myself silently on the upper balcony of Shredder's tower, the smell of rain hinting a stormy night was approaching. I thought to myself how cliché that would be; a storm brewing outside as Shredder and I clashed weapons. Although, it could just as well create the perfect atmosphere for the hate I felt for him, and I smiled at the thought of standing over his body, lightning flashing in the distance as he cried for mercy. Yes, it was a glorious scene..I only wished it would come sooner.

I popped the large collar of my trench coat up around my jaw line as I stood slowly, preparing myself to enter the gates of hell. By now, the rest of my brothers would have taken their coats off, but I wore mine as a relic now. I had decided that I would wear it for the rest of my life, remembering Splinter.. honoring his name by wearing such a dark color to mourn his death.

Suddenly, the paper doors to the balcony slid open with a _thwap_, and I jumped, trying to hide myself. I peered from behind a large bamboo plant as Karai stepped out onto the balcony, not a surprise to me. She always seemed to show up in times like these, trying to warn me or telling me to leave..She probably knew I was here already, which would be of no avail to me whatsoever.

I sighed quietly in anger as she turned her head to stare directly at the plant I hid myself behind. It seemed my hypothesis had been proven true all too soon, "Leonardo, I know you are there."

I stood, a scowl on my face as she approached me, "Stay away from me Karai. I have no means to keep you alive this time."

She stared at me for a moment, then shook her head, "Leonardo, whatever you have planned for this night, I beg of you to leave before it is too late, for you, and for your family."

I let out a low chuckle, "You see Karai, that's what I hate about you so much. You think you just _know _what's best for me, you think you _know _what every outcome will be, but you're wrong. You see, it's already too late, Karai. Shredder has already done the worst to my family!" I waited for a moment for her response, but she stood, silent. I growled angrily, "Your so-called _father _has killed my master, Karai! Splinter is gone!"

She took a step back, a look of shock on her pitiful face, "Leonardo..I-I had no-"

"Yeah, you had no idea, right? See, that's what I mean about you, Karai. You never really know what's going on until it happens right in front of that stupid face of yours. You're so damn ignorant it makes me want to puke.."

She attempted to reach her hand out, but I swatted it away, "Don't touch me. Don't you ever touch me again...Besides, I'm not here for you. Stop wasting my time."

"If you go in there, you will die." She stared blankly at me as I turned my back to her, "If you enter my father's chambers he will slay you, Leonardo."

I scoffed, placing a hand on the paper door to my left, "It's better than living in a world where _everything _is dead.."

As I entered the doorway, I heard her draw her sword. I laughed a little, shaking my head, "Don't do this Karai."

I turned to look at her once more as she lowered her stance, staring at me with an expressionless glance, "I am sorry, Leonardo. Atakku, ninja!"

I spun around to see at least thirty foot appear on the rooftop, one by one jumping down to surround me, "Damn you Karai! I was supposed to face him alone! I was supposed to kill him! Damn you!"

I let out a cry of anger as I drew my katanas, slicing through the foot's blockade to enter the building. I knew he was in there, I knew he was watching, hoping he would see me die by the hand of his daughter. Not this time, I thought, not this time. He would face me one to one and I would make him suffer the most agonizing death.

"_Shredder! I know you're in there! Face me now! Only a coward would let others do their dirty work!_" I gripped the handles of my katanas as I peered around the room in suspense.

I heard Karai from the balcony, calling out to her ninja, "Do not just stand there, atakku! Atakku!"

I let out another grunt as I turned to face the crowd of foot which had appeared behind me, "Why won't you just let me fight my battle!?"

In groups of two, they ran at me, using their swords and shuriken, unknowing that their odds were against them. The foot had always been so weak to me, simply doing another's work for them, playing the role as puny servants. They were despicable things, and they deserved to die.

I threw my arms fiercely at them, slicing their throats and stomachs. Splinter always told us never to kill unless it was our duty, but it didn't matter anymore. I wanted them to die, needed them to die.. My breathing was heavy as I quickly used my sleeve to wipe the splattered blood off my face, continuing to take them out one by one, rage as my partner in crime. Suddenly, attackers came from behind, taking me to the ground with a blow from a jutte's knife.

I let out a gasp as blood seeped from my right leg, making it hard to stand, "Damn it, you fools!" I put a grimacing smile on my face, "Do you truly wish to die that badly!?" I let out a laugh as I pushed myself back up, pretending not to feel the blows they had let out on me while I was on the ground. I felt my own blood beneath my feet as I reassembled my katanas. With a single blow I sliced the arm off of the foot that had taken me down with their jutte, the sound of their screams filling me with joy.

I looked around the room, panting as the foot only grew in numbers, "Come on! Who's ready!"

I spotted Karai across the room, a look of pure horror on her face. I smiled, leaping across the room, landing on the shoulders of foot soldiers to propel myself. Landing in front of her, I smiled wickedly, "Do you see what you've done, Karai? Do you see the chaos you've caused?" I spat, blood dripping from the corner of my mouth, "You're next."

I raised my katanas, ready to strike, ready to finally bring her to justice. The look on her face was absolutely terrifying, so pleasing to look at, and it only made me want to kill her more, "_It's time to-"_

"ENOUGH!"

The room seemed to stop in time as Shredder's voice rang out through the hall. I turned to see the sea of foot parting to make a path for him as his armor clanked on the bloody floor.

"So you've finally come, have you?" I chuckled lowly as he stood, just feet away from me.

He stared at me for a moment, then raised his hand to gesture around the hall, "Look at the mess you've made in my home, Leonardo. I thought your Splinter had taught you better than to slaughter."

I wiped the blood from the corner of my mouth, "I'm surprised you don't know yet, I thought you were smarter than that, _Shredder_."

He let out a chuckle, "Oh, are you presuming that I do not know your master has passed?" I flinched as he spoke the words. He laughed, mocking me, "I thought you were smarter than that, _Leonardo._"

He looked around the room for a moment, then raised his arm, "Foot, leave us! If this silly boy thinks he can defeat me on his own, we shall surely put him to the test."

I growled, lowering my stance. I was ready to fight till the death, ready to give myself to honor my father and master.

"Karai," Shredder turned his attention towards his daughter, "Leave."

She nodded, bowing before she strode silently out of the room, leaving an empty feeling in the hall behind her. It was just me and Shredder now, face to face, our destinies ahead of us.

"No more talking, Shredder. No more mocking. It's time to fight." I glared at him through my mask.

He smiled, "Very well."

I let out a cry, leaping into the air, trying to bring him to the ground firsthand. He dodged, blowing me to the side with his arm. I gasped for air as the wind left my lungs, holding my side. I watched in a panic as he stepped toward him, the clanking of his armor haunting my ears.

"Foolish. Foolish boy!"

I saw him raise his leg to try and kick me, but I rolled, catching my breath as I tried to stand, "I am not a _boy anymore!_"

I slashed my sword at him, trying to keep my aim towards his center, the only place you could really hurt him. After all, he was only a simple utram on the inside. Though, he moved quickly, blocking my attack and I countered with a low blow to his legs, making him stumble a bit. He rose quickly, swiping his knuckle blades at me. I blocked them with my katana, pushing him back towards the wall. Suddenly, my sword slipped, and his blades clipped my arm. I growled in pain, drawing back for a moment to try and forget the pain..it was too much of a distraction.

I felt a wave of adrenaline pass through me, urging me to fight with everything I had left in me. My hands shook, my knuckles turned white from the grip I had on my swords, and the only thought passing through my head was, "kill that fucking bastard."

I held my katana in front of me as my eyes grew wide, seeming to see everything around me even though the room was just a blur compared to the sight of Shredder standing in front of me. Forgetting there was blood now seeping from my arm, I wiped my face again, only smearing the red across my cheeks. I cringed as I licked my lips, tasting the iron-like saltiness of my own blood.

Suddenly, Shredder ran at me, full force, his elbows tucked inwards to point his knuckle blades straight at me, aiming for my vital organs. Quickly, I jumped over him, using my adrenaline as an advantage. I chuckled as I began to turn around, thinking I was ahead of the game, but, then, it happened.

Just as I turned, Shredder was already there, making his move before I could even think about my next attack. I wailed in pain as his blades scraped across my face, hearing the rip of my mask as he cut through my skin. Dropping to the floor, I screamed, unable to feel anything but the blood dripping down my face and the searing pain from the gashes he drew across my brow. More than ever, I tasted the iron in my blood as it seemed to pour into my mouth while I lied on my side. All I could do was feel my face, over and over, touching the wounds, trying to believe they weren't there. I tried to look up as I heard Shredder laugh at my expense, but..but there was nothing..there was just darkness..everything was black, vanished..what had happened to me? Why was I unable to see my enemy?

I heard Shredder step in front of me as I wailed out, my hands, now, covered in my own blood, "You pitiful fool..I should truly have no mercy on you in this moment, but I seem to find it funny to watch you scream. No, I will not kill you, but I will let you live the rest of your days a blind man. You wear black to honor your deceased master, but you will see black every day to remember what I have done to you!"

Slowly, the clanking of his armor faded away as he left the room, leaving me lifeless on the floor. I didn't know whether it was blood or tears streaming down my face as I tried to crawl my way back to the balcony, using the feeling of the breeze to direct myself. I panted unevenly as an overwhelming despondency fell over me. I...I had lost..Shredder had taken victory...I was nothing but a pathetic creature, bound by my loss..

As I finally found my way out of the tower, carefully climbing my way down, I cried, knowing I would never be able to look my brothers or wife in the face again..All I would ever see from this moment on, was my defeat.


	4. Chapter 4: Secrets

Chapter 4: Secrets

Speaking: Raphael

_Breathing. I'm breathing, right? My lungs, they're working..filling up..emptying..I feel..nothing. I see..nothing. I...I don't think I'm dead..am I? Surely..after the burning..I should be dead. I know I should be dead because I feel dead..This darkness..is it simply the back of my eyelids, or is this hell? Maybe..maybe I am alive. I think I just need to..wake up._

I opened my eyes slowly, feeling them peel apart from days of unconscious sleep. My body was limp and weak from lying for so long, unable to move, stretch, do anything.. not since Master Splinter put me to sleep to heal my..my infection. That's right..I had forgotten about that..

Slowly, I started to move my hands underneath the wool blanket Splinter had placed over me while I slept, letting my body take in the medicine he had healed me with. I cringed at the thought of what it felt like, the infection, burning me alive as I laid in Splinter's arms.

Shaking my head, I tried to push the memory out of my mind, focusing on getting my body to work. Splinter had told me my body would need some time to put itself back together because of how quickly the infection would kill a normal person. In fact, my body went into a death-like state once he put me to sleep, so it was almost like I was coming back to life. I wondered, then, just how long I had been asleep..

Finally, I got my arms to move, lifting them to push the blanket away from my face. I rubbed my temples in a circular motion as I rotated my neck, hearing it crack as I bent it from side to side, "Ahh..now that's what I'm talkin' about.. a good ol' neck crackin'." I reached my arms up above my head and wiggled my toes, stretching my body out as if I were trying to grow another inch, "Man, that feels good!"

After a couple of failed attempts, I was finally able to prop myself up to sit. It was dark in the room, but because I had been asleep for so long, my eyes were already adjusted. I wondered for a moment why Master Splinter wasn't in the room with me. Usually in times like these he would stay by our sides until he knew for sure we were alright. It was kinda like when Leo got hurt real bad and we had to go to Casey's grandma's farmhouse for a while..I remember how worried I was about him..but I'd never really tell anyone that. But, Splinter had been by his side the whole time..waiting for him to wake up, so why wasn't he here when I did?

I turned my head towards the door as I heard muffled voices coming from the main room. It sounded like something pretty frantic was going on out there..maybe that's where Splinter was? So, finding the strength inside me, I pushed myself up on my knees, then used Master Splinter's meditation table to stabilize myself as I put myself on my feet. I took a deep breath once I could stand for a minute without my knees wobbling. I started out with baby steps, then gradually made my way towards the door, placing my hand against the wall for support.

I squinted my eyes as I slid the door open, light flooding onto my face. That's when I saw what was really going on...

Blood. There was blood everywhere...on the floor..on the walls...there were smears of it making a trail towards the couch in the main part of the lair. Donny stood, bandages in his hands as Mikey looked away, unable to face whatever horrible thing was happening.. I stepped out of the room, my eyes squinted, hoping they would notice me, but they kept to whatever was happening.

Finally, I made my way closer to the couch, and opened my mouth to speak, "Hey..where's Le-" I stopped mid-sentence as I looked over the top of the couch. There he was, Leo, lying, a bloody mess, on the couch, red blood stains covering his face and hands.

Don and Mikey looked up at me with shock in their eyes, "Raph!?" Donny almost dropped the bandages in his hands, "Raph! You're-you're awake!"

I pointed slowly at Leo, "What..the hell..is going on..?"

He looked at Mikey, then slowly back to me, "Well..we don't..we don't really know.." He stopped for a moment, "I-I'm sorry Raph, but I've got to take care of him right now I-" He stopped as Leo let out a grimacing moan, reaching his hands up towards his face.

That's when I saw it. His eyes...they were..horrifying..his eyelids were slit down the middle in diagonal lines, leaving what was around it swollen and clotted with blood and puss..

Quickly, Donny wrapped the bandages around his face, trying to keep Leo's hands away from the wounds, "Leo..please don't touch them anymore..you'll only make it worse.." He looked up for a moment, "Mikey, will you please go get Anocari..Have her look at Raph..I would say get Avolla, too...but..." He stopped, looking down.

Mikey nodded, "Yeah...I know. I'll get Anocari."

Donny looked back to me after he finished applying what bandages he had to Leo's wounds, "Raph, you need to sit down..you only just woke up..it's not good for you to but up walking around like this.."

I tried to object, but a sudden wave of dizziness came over me, and I wobbled to my knees. He ran over to catch me by the arms, but I was already on the ground by the time he got to me. He took my hands, helping me stand, "Please..lie back down for a while."

I nodded slowly, starting to agree with him. As much as I wanted to know what the hell was going on, I was still too weak to be up and about.

He started to lead me back to Splinter's room when Anocari came running down the stairs from his room, "Raph!" She ran up to me, hugging me tightly, "I'm so glad you're okay.."

I smiled at her a little, "Glad to know someone cares I exist. It seems I woke up at the worst possible time." I looked over to where Leo was lying on the couch, still moaning.

She looked down, "Yeah...he just..came home like that..." She shook her head, "Come on, let's get you lied down and then we can talk, alright?"

I nodded, letting her lead me back to Splinter's room. As she sat be back down on the mat, I was silent for a moment, thinking hard. All this time..everything that was going on..and Splinter was nowhere to be seen... I looked up at her as she sat, cross-legged, across from me, "Anocari?"

She moved her head to the side, "Yes?"

"Where's Master Splinter?"

Her face froze as I said his name.

I leaned forward, "Hello..?"

She looked at her hands for a moment, biting her lower lip, just as she always did when she had bad news.

"Anocari." My voice was strict with her, "Tell me right now where Splinter is."

She looked up at me, her brows pressed inwards, "Raph..I..I can't really-"

I placed my hands on the mat in front of me, "Tell me."

Suddenly, the door slid open, revealing Donny, a panicked look on his face, "Anocari, Leo needs to speak with you..."

She looked at me, then back to Don with an almost relieved look, "A-alright."

My expression hardened as I watched her walk out of the room. I knew there was something they weren't telling me..I knew it wasn't just info they could simply 'fill me in on' once I woke up..this had to be something serious..Especially if Anocari wasn't telling me. Usually that girl was like a fountain when it came to giving out information, but this time..this time it was different. I'd never seen her give me that look before in all the years I'd known her.

After a couple of minutes, the door slid open again. It was Anocari again, and I planned on making her tell me what secret they were all hiding from me.

Sitting down in front of me, she held a yellowish ointment in her hand, which was held in a round, medium sized glass container, "Alright, hold still..I'm going to put this on your neck...and..it will sting a little."

I flinched as she spread the cool jelly across the right side of my neck, "Jesus, what is this stuff? It stings like hell.."

She sighed, "It's not particularly the ointment..it's your wound that's reacting to it. It's trying to block out all forms of healing, but since Splinter was able to make it stop spreading for now, it's succumbing to the medicine. That's why it stings. It doesn't want to heal but it is."

I was silent for a moment, trying to gather myself before I spoke again. I didn't want to sound angry..even if I was, "Anocari...will you please tell me what's going on..."

She took another scoop of the ointment and spread it on my neck, sighing hard, "Raph," she kept her eyes on my neck, "I'm not really the one who is supposed to tell you. I'm sorry, but I can't tell you anything until you've spoken with Leo."

I grumbled, "And how exactly am I supposed to do that when he's in worse condition than I am?"

She stopped, looking me in the face, "He's blind, Raph...not dead."

I looked at my hands as she continued to rub the ointment into my skin, moving her hand in a long, stroking motion over the wound, "Aren't you afraid to touch it..? My infection, I mean."

She shook her head, "No. You're not contagious anymore. Though, even if you were, my body is built different than a human's. My immune system would block it out. Why do you think Shredder never became infected? He's an alien just as I am. Only difference is that he's a stinking little red Utram and I'm a beautiful silver-skinned Orithian." She smiled at me, proud of her heritage.

I chuckled, "You're pretty smug, you know that?"

She laughed a little, "And you aren't? The famous hot head of the family? Choose your words wisely, my brother." Finally, her hand moved away from my neck and she sealed the container of ointment, "Alright. You should be good for now. That will help the area not to swell." Suddenly, her face became serious, "Raph, if you feel any kind of pain around that area that's worse than normal..you need to tell us. Okay?"

I nodded, "Yeah, okay."

As she left the room, I couldn't help but feel anger towards my brothers..How could they hide things from me like this..? After all, I was the one who almost died..I deserved to hear the truth from them. I hit my fist against the mat beneath me. I didn't want to wait for Leo to find out what was really going on around here..I wanted to know..I needed to know..because something was telling me there was a much bigger reason they were hiding things from me. I truly feared the worst might have happened..and I knew it had something to do with Master Splinter...


	5. Chapter 5: Truth

Chapter 5:

Speaking: Leonardo

I stood silently in the wind as it blew with a soft fierceness, chilling my skin. It had been two days since I last saw the grass on the ground, the trees in the park, the blue color of the sky..two days since I had become blind. During that time, I spoke to no one. All I could do was lie there, 'staring' upwards into an abyss of darkness, a pit of my own fears. My brothers would try to speak to me, pleading with me to tell them what happened, but I couldn't bring myself to tell them of my awful failure..

I reached my hand out, feeling for the wooden plank which stood as Splinter's headstone. Raph was to meet me in the park today..the day I would finally tell him of his passing, even if it wasn't the truth. Hearing his footsteps, I hid the plank with my coat. I couldn't let him see, not yet..

He stopped a few feet away from me, hesitating to speak. I could feel his eyes on me, staring at the bandages on my face. I couldn't see it, but I knew it was what he was doing. Don had told me I needed to wear the bandages until my stitches healed, but I knew it was just to keep me from touching my face..I had a tendency to touch my eyes, even while I was asleep. He had explained to me that I cried out in my sleep as if the events which tore my eyes apart were happening at that very moment..I would tear at my bandages, searching for my eyes just to know they were still there..

Raph finally broke the silence, stepping forward a bit, "So..does it hurt?"

I kept my face pointed towards him, "Does yours hurt?"

His shape was forming through the darkness I saw as he moved nervously. I could feel the vibrations of his movements bouncing off of the trees, creating lines in my mind. I felt almost like a bat as everything started to form together, my sixth sense taking over.

"Wow.." he began in a quiet tone.

"What?"

He was silent for a moment, "..It still seems like you're looking right at me.."

"I can still see you." I pointed straight at him, "Right now, you have your hand behind your head and you have this awful look on your face because you don't really know what to say."

He sighed, "There's Leo."

I cocked my head, "What do you mean, 'there's Leo?'"

His hand dropped by his side, "I mean, you're always analyzing stuff like that. Acting like you're okay even when you aren't."

I moved my head to the side, "I'm fine.."

We were both silent as an awkwardness fell over us, standing quietly in the park. It felt like we barely knew each other anymore, even though we had been brothers our entire lives..I hated the feeling..but what I hated most was what I had to tell him today..

"So.." he looked down, then back to me, "Why'd you have me come here?"

"Raph, you know why you're here."

I felt him stare at me, "Fine. Then tell me where Splinter is.."

I clenched my fist, wondering if I was even strong enough to tell him, let alone lie to him about his own father's death, "Raph..I.." I sighed heavily, knowing the only way to do this was to just let him read the letter Splinter had written specifically for him. I had read through it upon finding it, making sure it had no specifics about the cause of his death. I felt a little bad about going through something that wasn't meant for my eyes, but it was the only way I could make sure I could lie to him and still have him believe me..

I put my hand in my pocket, slowly pulling out an envelope encasing the letter, his name written in the center. I took special care to glue it back together once I had finished reading so he wouldn't be suspicious, "Raph..this is the only way I can tell you.."

He reached his hand out, grabbing the letter from my hand, "..What is this?"

I sighed, "It's a letter..from Splinter."

He opened the envelope carefully, slowly pulling the letter out. I braced myself as he read through it silently, every second feeling like hours, waiting for him to finish..

"N-no..no.." I could hear the paper shaking in his hands as he read the final words, "S-Splinter...father...no...n-no..."

Looking to the ground, I quietly moved my body to reveal his grave. He fell to his knees staring back and forth between the paper and the plank of wood with Splinter's name on it.

"_No! No, he can't be..! Father..! Father please! I-I can't do this without you!" _I clenched my fists as he began to sob, kneeling in front of Splinter's grave, agony running through his very being. I could feel the emotion with every cry he let out as they pierced my ears, "_I-I didn't even get to say goodbye! W-why?! I-I didn't get to..I didn't get to..! No...!"_

I wanted to walk away in that moment, I wanted to get away from the pain he felt..it only made everything too real again..I didn't want to feel like that again..the way I did on that day when Splinter told me himself that he was going to die..I remembered how much I wanted to embrace him..how much I wanted to be with him in his final days..

Raph's sobs quieted as he reached his hand out to touch the plank, moving it along the letters carved into the wood. He was silent for a long time, just starting endlessly at his grave, quiet tears rolling down his face. Finally, he spoke quietly, not to me, but to Splinter, "...Master..what am I supposed to do..? All this time.. all my life...you were the one who always knew..you knew who I really was..you saw what no one else could.." his lungs stuttered at he took in a deep breath, trying to keep his sobs back, "Master..why..why are you leaving me alone..?"

I sighed lightly, stepping forward to place a hand on his shoulder, "Raph...you're not alone.."

Suddenly, he shrugged my hand off, giving me a painful look, "You don't get it Leo! You don't get it..! All those times I would try to run off, all those times no one else cared what I did because I was nothing but a damn fool, Splinter was there to stop me! Splinter was there to make sure I knew I was worth something! None of you cared to tell me that! None of you!"

"Raph, we're your brothers!"

"_Well then why didn't you ever act like it!?_" he pounded his fists on the ground, "All I've ever gotten from you is, '_I'm the leader, listen to me! Shut up and stop acting like you know everything! _

_You're nothing but a hot head! You can't do anything right! You never listen!'_ Leo, you treat me like I'm nothing but a **low life** who's wasting your time, always getting in your way and messing up your plans!"

I flinched back from him, mortified at what he was trying to say. Did he really believe that we all hated him, that we just threw him to the side as the 'awful brother'..? I rubbed my fingers nervously against my palms, squeezing them tightly, "Raph..Raph you can't really think...Raph you're our _brother _for christ's sake! We grew up together, trained together, played together! You can't just think-"

"_Just tell me how he died, Leo!"_

His voice echoed through the trees as he stared at me with hate and panic in his eyes. I put my hands up slowly, "Raph..please..you need to calm down...I know you're scared.. I know this is a lot for you to take in..please..I don't need to lose one more person I care about.."

His breathing was heavy as he sat back on his calves, dragging his hands across the grass. His face was blank, seeming to stare at emptiness, "Leo...how did he die...?"

I cleared my throat nervously, gathering my alternative story. It was so easy to think about lying to him the first time around, but now that I was actually going to go through with it, I couldn't help but feel a wall of guilt drop over me. I rubbed my fingers together, trying to find the words, "...It was while you were asleep...It was just so..devastating to see you in the state you were in..so we decided to sneak into Shredder's tower to find a cure, if not, force him to give us one." I paused for dramatic effect, turning my head to the side, "Raph..we were outnumbered..Splinter was left to fight Shredder as we kept the foot away..we..we were swarmed..there was no way to get to him..he told us to leave..he told us to get away..that there was no other way..." I trailed off, acting as if I was unable to speak about it. I felt torn inside for lying to him, but I knew it was the only way to keep him in line..to make sure he wouldn't think it was because of him that Splinter died. Who knew what he would do if he knew Splinter gave his life for him..

Raph reached out to grab Splinter's cane, which was still against the wooden plank. He held it tightly in his hands, staring at it for a long moment, "...You..you just left him..?"

I sighed, knowing what he was thinking, "Raph, no we didn't lea-"

"_You left him there to die? You left him alone in Shredder's tower? You just walked away?" _my mouth hung open in shock as my brilliant plan backfired on me. He stood, placing Splinter's can back by his grave.

I stepped backwards, putting my hands up in defense, "Raph, no! We didn't leave him!"

He clenched his fists, "Stop.._lying._"

"I'm not lying to you! It's what he wanted, Raph! You know we must obey our master!" I felt strange, arguing over a fake scenario..more than that I was shocked at how quickly the tables had turned on me..

He pointed a finger in my face, "_You abandoned him and you know it! You..you could have helped him!"_

"Raph! Stop and listen to me!" I tried brushing his hand out of my face, but he grabbed my arm.

I was careful not to make any rash moves, as he squeezed his hand around my skin, "Look at you.. _Look_ at what you're wearing..Black. Probably to honor Splinter, right? You disgust me, Leo. You think you can walk around wearing funeral clothes forever..thinking it will make everything alright.."

I frowned at him, wishing I could use my eyes to stare at him, "Let go of my arm, Raph."

He threw my arm to the side, turning away from me, "No wonder everyone was hiding this from me.." his voice was full of hate as he stood, staring into the trees, "If I would have been there..Splinter would still be alive.."

"If Splinter were still alive he wouldn't want us to fight like this.." I tried to convince him to stop this arrogance, "Please, Raph..just calm down..you're upset..you just need to rest some more.."

"No! No more resting! I'm fine! I don't need y-!" Suddenly, he threw his hands up to his neck, grabbing the side which had been scarred by the infection. He let out a wail as he fell to his knees, crying in pain, "Gaah! M-my neck!"

I quickly ran over to him, trying to remember everything Splinter had taught me before he passed. I placed my hands on his neck, moving his hands out of the way, "Hold still! I'll help you!"

He tried to move away from me, but his attempt was failed as it just caused him even more pain, "I-I don't need you! I don't need you!"

I began to chant, ignoring his commands, concentrating hard on my will to heal him. I wished he would stop fighting me, stop trying to push everyone away..he _literally_ needed me to live..no matter how much he wanted to believe he didn't.

Slowly, his grunts and moans started to fade away, and he dropped his hands to his sides. I sighed slowly, letting out a long breath, "Raph..you are not completely healed..Splinter couldn't just make it disappear..before he passed, he taught me how to ease your pain when your infection acts up..as of right now..I'm the only one who can take the pain away..keeping you alive longer than you ever would have been without treatment.." I paused, trying to stay calm with him, "Raph..please come back to the lair and rest..it's only been a few days since you recovered..really, I shouldn't have brought you out here..but I knew you needed to know the truth.."

I offered my hand to him after a moment, but he sat blankly, scowling at the ground. Slowly, he looked up to me, staring between my face and my hand, "Like I said..I don't need you.."

I stepped back as he stood on his own, his legs wobbling a bit, "Raph.."

He turned back to look at me before he disappeared into the trees of the park, "As soon as I find a way to manage without your help..I'll be gone. Then you'll see how much you needed _me_.."


	6. Chapter 6: Cassette Tapes

Chapter 6: Cassette Tapes

Speaking: Donatello

Three years had passed since the day Leo told Raph about our master's death, three years since everything was ever normal in this damned place..this damned city. Of course, everything had changed the day Shredder set out the super virus, but we didn't realize just how much it would possibly impact our family until that day..

Raph had come home with a scowl on his face, carving deeply into the sides of his face. His eyes were blank, staring only at the empty space in front of him as he trudged to his room. He paused for a slight moment, only to glance into the room of his deceased sensei, the one whom he would never know the real truth about. I scorned Leo many times for lying to him, pleading that it would simply make the situation worse if he were ever to find out. Some days I would spot Raph listening as we spoke quietly across the room, chipping away at each others' tempers until we simply walked away from each other. I would depart in fear of my brother finding out the truth, possibly storming into an outrage and leaving this family forever, but Leo would walk simply because of the arrogance his leadership had given him over the years. He always sought himself to be the wisest of the bunch, almost trying to replicate Splinter's teachings, and it made me fear that he was becoming another person, someone whom he had not originally planned to be.

Often, I would see this look across his scarred face, his brows pressed together, a deep crease forming in the center of his forehead. Sometimes I wondered if he still believed he wasn't blind. I remembered the following nights of his accident, how he would almost scratch at his eyes, tearing angrily at the bandages. I would have to replace them almost every night because of the bleeding he brought upon himself, opening up the scabbed wounds in fear he might lose something more than his eyes..I think he was so afraid of losing his humanity..his will to live. I guessed he thought if he could no longer see the beauty in life, the things to cherish, his life would add up to nothing more than a gray rendition of what used to be something happy, something good..I mean, sure there were times we'd had it pretty hard over the years, but in the outcome of everything, we had a pretty good life up until a few years ago. For a long time, we thought we'd be alone forever, trapped in the murky walls of the sewers with no one to call a friend. That day we met April, our lives changed, and they changed for the better. We started interacting with humans for the first time in the fifteen years we'd been alive, well, mutated at least, and we were happy. We didn't have to live in constant fear anymore...but now things were different.

Nowadays we were all simply annoyed with each other. All of us had our own problems or stupid things we worried about, and it just tore us apart from each other, almost as if we were living in separate worlds. Raph stayed in his room most of the time, only leaving to go topside for a breath outside of the lair. He was maybe only gone for a couple hours at a time, but never told a soul what he was up to. Sometimes he'd even go in the middle of the day, dressing up in bulky clothing to hide his turtle features. I would have expected Leo to give him more hell for it if it weren't for the fact that Raph was basically immune to the virus now that it was in his body already. I mean, what can you do? Catch it twice over? Besides that, they barely ever spoke to each other, let alone make eye contact. Leo and Raph had some pretty bad arguments over the years, but I'd never seen them quite like this before. It didn't help any more that they wouldn't tell anyone why the hell they were so mad at each other. Really, I stopped caring after Raph told me to "fuck off" a week after pleading with him to tell me what was going on with them. I was hardly interested in drama at the time, and I thought it best to just get back to work.

Now that I think about it, Mikey was really the only one I would speak to at the time, well, and, of course, Anocari. Leo and Raph were too busy not talking to anyone anymore, so I guess we just took it upon ourselves to gain a stronger understanding of each other. Though, it wasn't like we would sit and play video games or share a pizza and laugh the night away, no, not anything like that. We would simply sit and talk to each other, let the other know how our day was going and what we were worried about. It would sound to a normal person just like small talk, but speaking to each other was what kept us from falling apart at the time.

Once in a while, I would think about how hard it must have been for Mikey, having to listen to all the arguments, watching his brothers drift further from each other. He didn't really play a certain role, he was just kind of there, listening at a distance. He was really the only one who didn't have a great problem looming over his head like the rest of us. In a way, I was a little jealous of him. He still had a great deal of his youth left, and there was nothing to make him grow up faster than he should. Leo was blind, Raph was infected, and I had the heavy load of my research, constantly trying to find a permanent cure to the virus.

I guess I just had this vision in my head of being the savior of the people, my knowledge put to the ultimate test. It would unveil a great success, saving millions around the world, including Raph. It made my stomach turn to think about losing my brother..to think he would one day suffer the same awful fate of the innocent people dying within a matter of hours. There was no way I'd stop my research now, I was neck deep in a hole I'd dug for myself, and I'd never be able to get out unless I finished what I started.

I let out a hard yawn, the kind where you just kind of sit there with your mouth gaping open until it passes. I rubbed my face with my hands, setting down my 0.5 japan mechanical pencil among the mess of papers scattered across my desk. My hands lingered over my face as I lacked the courage to stare all of my failures in the face. I'd felt so useless lately..I was getting absolutely nowhere in my research..Months of pharmaceutical testing, of reading endless medicinal textbooks cover to cover, nothing was paying off.. I'd even built my own 'laboratory', so to speak, in place of my old mechanics workshop, a hobby I gave up a couple years back. I'd simply told myself there was no use for it anymore, that I needed to focus on what was really important..Besides, it's not like my happiness really mattered anymore. No one was happy, not even my own wife.

Anocari had spoken with me several times about how I should take a break from all of my testing, that it was doing no good for my health, physically and mentally. I tried to consider her request, but the longer I worked the more I felt like I could actually get somewhere. I was almost scared that if I stopped I would miss a thought, something that could take my work to another level, which meant possible success.

I looked up as she walked in the room, a thick wool blanket pulled over her shoulders. Her eyes were tired, not as much as mine, but they still sank in a little more than usual. She tightened the blanket around her body as she walked towards me, her mouth turned down at the corners, "Donny..please come to bed tonight.."

I sighed lightly, not wanting to upset her any more than she already was..we had started arguing more than usual lately, fighting about how much I had been working these past few months. I didn't blame her for being upset with me. I knew very well I was being a bit conceited with myself, thinking I could achieve more than possible, but sometimes I didn't realize what I was saying until after she would walk away. I would apologize in the long run, and she would forgive me, but her face would say otherwise. She was sad..and it was my fault..but what was I supposed to do? Just sit back and watch my brother and the rest of the world die away?

"My love..I just.. I wish I could, but-"

"But what. What is it this time?" she stared at me with cold eyes, disappointed in my response, "Are you _this close_ to another breakthrough? Can you just _sense_ you're going in the right direction?" pausing for a moment, I could see her hands shaking underneath the wool blanket, making her whole body seem to tremble, "_There's not going to be a breakthrough, Donny. You're not going in the right direction..." _her voice shook, tears forming in the corners of her blue eyes, "You're driving yourself mad, Donny! Look at yourself! You haven't eaten more than one meal's worth in over a week! All you do is sit at that desk and torture yourself, convincing yourself that this is still going to just happen like a _fucking miracle_ out of the _goddamn_ sky!" I opened my mouth to speak, but she refused to let me utter a word, "And that lab coat you wear...it doesn't make you a doctor! You're a mechanic, Donny! You're a technician! You work with computers and cars, not medicine! Just because you read a dozen _damn_ textbooks on herbs does not mean you're any more of a scientist than I am! Donny I'm tired of-"

She cut herself off as I lowered my head, staring at the white fabric of my coat. Blinking slowly, I took in a deep breath, holding it in for a few seconds before letting it out in a weary gust, "...I'm tired too...of feeling like a failure...of feeling like if I don't do something.._anything_, my brother will die..I'm lucky enough that you're immune system is built uniquely to that of any human's, but it still doesn't change the fact that my brother is dying..your brother is dying...and..and...I don't want to stand there and just watch another person I love wither away from a sickness I could have cured if I tried hard enough..Sometimes I just sit here..wishing I was a cassette tape so I could just rewind and fix everything...but the thing is, all my film has been unwound..ripped out, and I'm ruined forever. I'll never play the same again.."

It was quiet in the room as she dropped the blanket from her shoulders, bending down to wrap her arms around my neck. I buried my face in her shoulder, feeling the warmth of her silver skin against my forehead. Her voice wobbled and cracked as she spoke to me, holding back tears, "What are we supposed to do...?"

Suddenly, my thoughts were in control of my mouth, and I could hardly comprehend what I was about to say, "Leave."

She pulled away, giving me a disheartened look, "What..?"

I shook my head slowly, trying to find my own thoughts in the jumbled mess of my mind, "I-I don't know...maybe it would just be better for both of us if we went somewhere..away from here.."

Her eyes were focused on me, trying to decode my words, "Donny..you don't honestly mean just pack up and leave, do you..? I mean..yes, this obsession you have with finding a cure is driving you mad..but when I said you needed to take a break I didn't mean completely away from this family.."

My brows pressed together as I finally felt the weariness and fatigue fall over me from several nights of insomnia. In that moment, I think I finally stopped giving a shit. In all the time I had been starving myself, slaving over my research, Anocari was the only one who seemed troubled about my health..she was the only one who fought with me even when she knew she wasn't going to convince me to give it all up...None of my brothers said a word to me..they simply ignored each other, including myself, too absorbed in their own internal wars to even care I was slowly driving myself to sickness..

Anocari placed her hand lightly on my cheek, lifting my eyes to meet hers, "Donny...I know you feel abandoned...I know you feel like your brothers are leaving you alone to do all of this yourself..but think about what you're saying.. That would be-"

She suddenly stopped, turning her head towards the ceiling to stare for a long moment, a concentrated look on her face. I gave her a look, moving my head around in confusion, "What? What is it?"

She put her hand up to silence me, "Do you hear that..? It's.."

"Sirens..." I finished the sentence for her, leaning forward in my rolling chair, "That's definitely sirens.."

Without another word, we hurried out of the room and into the living area where everyone else already was. I guess that just goes to show old habits never die..

Leo was standing with his arms folded next to Avolla, a blank look underneath his darkened circular glasses I had constructed for him once his bandages were no longer needed, "They've been going on for about two minutes, now."

I looked across the room to see Raph turned the other way, Mikey standing a couple feet from him by the couch, "Don't be so generous towards your hearing capabilities, not everyone's blind."

I saw Leo's hand clutch as he lifted it slightly off of his opposite arm. I could tell he was desperately trying to avoid conflict.

"...Do you think we should go topside?" Mikey's voice came quietly from the other side of the room as he rested his hands atop of the blue couch cushions.

We all exchanged glances, hoping someone would speak up.

Leo huffed shortly, impatient with the rest of us, "_We_ will go," he gestured to me, Raph, and Mikey," the girls will stay here in the lair.

Anocari trudged up to him, a scowl hardening her expression, "Are you crazy, Leo? Avolla and I are the only ones who are immune to the virus! What if something happens and you come into contact with it? We could be there as a blockade!"

He shook his head, "No. Stay here."

She folded her arms, "Leo..I don't give a _damn_ what you think you are right now, but you are _not my leader_."

Avolla touched her shoulder, trying to calm her down, "Anocari I wouldn't.."

She shrugged her off, "No, I'm sorry! He's putting his life in danger and I won't stand for it! I know you're thinking the same, Volla!" Turning back to Leo, she stared into his lifeless eyes, almost as if she believed he could see her, "Leo, stop acting like you can just take over Splinter's place."

Leo flinched at that, gripping the arm of his trench coat in an angry fist, "Don't you dare bring Splinter into this.."

She stared at him for a moment, wondering whether or not it was worth it to fight him about it. Finally, she simply turned, shaking her head in scorn. She scoffed as she walked away, turning her head to mumble at him, "You should have taken that advice three years ago, Leo.."

I walked forward, hoping I could somehow settle her down. As I reached out, Leo let his arms drop, shoving one fist in a pocket, "_Keep your damn wife in line, Don_.."

With those words, something snapped inside me, and I turned just as Leo moved to look the other way, landing my fist straight on his jawline. He stumbled back, shocked, but soon retaliated with a swing and miss right hook. I dodged, but wobbled backwards with my lack of strength and fell on the floor.

I yelled at him as he stood above me, his fists clenched tightly around his thumbs, "_Don't you ever talk about her like that! You know better! Don't you ever!" _Raph let out a chuckle, shaking his head with his back turned to us. I frowned, calling out to him, "Why the hell are _you_ laughing? You know, he's acting _just like you."_

Suddenly, Mikey broke in the middle of us, pushing Leo away and making sure Raph kept a distance, "Stop! Please, stop it! I can't stand this! I can't take all the fighting anymore! All you ever do is argue with each other! Don't you remember? We're brothers! We fight together! We celebrate together! We-we..we're a family together..." his lip trembled as he tried to hold his head high, standing tall in the middle of his three older brothers, "..Can we please just..act like we want to be around each other..just for now..? We need to figure out what those sirens are..we need to do it _together_, just like the old days..when we were still a team..when Splinter was proud of us.."

We all lowered our heads with those last words, suddenly feeling ashamed of ourselves. Mikey was right.. It didn't matter how much we yelled at each other, or who thought who was the better child..Master Splinter wouldn't have approved of any of our behaviors, especially not today.

I let out a sigh as Anocari helped me up, "He's right, guys..it could be Shredder.." Leo and Raph tightened up at his name, but I continued anyway, "For right now..let's forget the grudges we might hold against another.. It doesn't matter who's right or wrong, when we fight, we fight as a team.."

A silence loomed over the room as a simultaneous confirmation that everyone agreed, even Raph, and so we prepared to make the worst mistake of our lives.


	7. Chapter 7: False Hope

Chapter 7: False Hope

Speaking: Anocari

Leo made it no effort of his to even slightly glance in my direction, quietly holding the man-hole cover open for us to all crawl out. Although, it wasn't like I could look him in the face, anyway..It was still a little discontenting to me that Leo would say such a thing, especially about me. After Avolla, I had known them the longest, and we'd been through so much together.. Leo had even been the one to save my life a few times, or at least a great deal of help in the matter. He was even the one to help Donny cope with my distance while I was away for those four years, way back when we'd first met. He didn't even _know_ me, let alone know what I looked like, and he convinced Donny to stay strong..he believed in me to return to his brother. It just put an ugly feeling in my stomach to even think about how awful Leo's mindset must be to say something like that.. All his life, he'd been so passionate about driving this team, this family towards success, but now it seemed as if he hardly cared if we were a team anymore.. After going blind, he just disconnected himself from us, from the world, and I worried about him daily.. Really, I worried about everyone..but Leo seemed to change the most out of all. I felt sometimes we were truly in loss of a leader, now..

The sirens continued to blare through the haunted streets of the city as we all gathered in a dark alley; not that they were any different than the actual streets now a days.. It seemed like everyone else had the same idea, gathering around their porches and under the fading yellow lights of the street lamps. It scared me a little to see all of the people as they were, now..Most were wearing paper nose and mouth masks, ones doctors and surgeons would wear in operations. Others dressed themselves head to toe, ensuring they wouldn't come skin to skin with anyone who could possibly be infected.

I looked over at Raph for a moment, staring uneasily at the scars on his neck. I could almost feel the burning sensation as my eyes trailed along the discolored patches of dead skin, mixed in with tender circles of pinkish red where it had gotten through the first layer of his skin. I knew some of those were fresh burns, just by the way they almost seemed glossy.. I wondered why he didn't bandage the area..it would keep other bacteria from getting in, making it even more painful. Some nights I would hear him groaning from his room, trying to hold back terrified screams as the infection only grew in size.. On that first night, it had simply covered about a two inch thick, seven inch long area from under his jaw, leading down to just a few inches above his shoulder. Now, it was almost four times that width wise, starting to wrap around towards the other side of his neck, and had made its way up past his jawline and along his cheek..What worried me even more was the fact he had started rubbing the side of his left eye from time to time, blinking it slowly as he grimaced in pain. It would look swollen some days, even, and it only pressed my concerns further..I was almost afraid we would eventually have two blind men in the house..

We made sure to stay back as more people continued to fill the streets, all of them wondering the same thing: what's going on? Moments later, the whining ceased, leaving an empty echo through the city. Whatever it was for, it must have worked, for it stopped the whole city in its tracks.

Suddenly, we heard a familiar voice come through an unknown source, seeming to speak to the whole of New York all at once, "Citizens of New York, realize, now, there is a chance to live, to survive." we all tightened up at the sound of Karai's voice, one we'd hoped we would hear the last of many years ago. She continued, playing off the role of a savior's speaker, "Many of you are scared, fearing for your lives as the super virus only spreads throughout the world." I looked at Donny as he grabbed my hand, staring out into the street from our dark spot in the alley. I could tell he was worried about what was going to happen..more or less what she was going to say next, "Today, you, _we_, will be saved from this accursed illness, this murderous epidemic!"

There was a long pause, as if she knew the people would speak to each other in this moment. She was right, though, and it seemed the city was speaking together as murmurs rose from the streets, most trying to decide whether to trust this strange voice. I looked at the others in that moment, seeing Leo with his arms folded, his blank eyes squinted behind his round, shaded glasses. It was hard to tell if he was thinking, or just simply angry that Shredder would have the audacity to do this kind of thing. We all knew Karai was just his speaker now-a-days, just for the fact that she had no other role to play. It wasn't like she could let her foot ninja out in the city anymore. It was too dangerous, even for them.

Finally, her voice came back over the speakers, still a mystery source, sounding heroic, almost as if she knew her father was to be the champion of the people, "Citizens, I serve a man by the name of Oroku Saki, a man that will take away the suffering of this great place we all call our home." I heard Raph let out a scoff at the mention of Shredder actually taking away pain instead of dishing it out. In fact, it was a bit ironic, the situation. Shredder had been the one to send out the virus, and now he was saying he could stop it?

"I plead with you, my people, listen to me. If you wish to survive the menacing fate this world has fallen to, come to any of these ten locations throughout the city." A large map was suddenly projected into the cloudy sky, showing grid lines of the city with bright red pinpoints placed in ten separate locations.

The crowd let out a hushed roar, trying to comprehend what exactly was going on. I turned my head to see Raph stepping forward, his arms slowly unfolding as he stared into the sky, just as the people in the streets, "The fuck is she...?"

Karai spoke once more, this time, in a seriousness we all knew was faked, "I beg of you all, this is your only way of survival, to prosper once again as the great city of America... New York, we shall be waiting for you."

Her voice cut out, leaving us with the large map, still projected into the murky skies of the city, and the confused murmurs of the people. Avolla touched Leo's arm, her brows pressed inward, "Leo..what do you think it is..?"

He made no sound, no sarcastic scoff, but simply stated, "It's a trap. What else?"

I looked down at my feet, thinking hard for a moment. It couldn't be 'just a trap'..it was Shredder..and this time he was involving the whole city in his scheme..it felt more to me like there was something we were missing.. like there was a bigger plan behind this than we thought.

I let out a short huffing noise through my nostrils, "My question is, why would he make it on such a grand scale? Why involve all of these people in something that's just a trap?"

Donny put his hand to his chin, just as he always used to when he thought hard, "In a way, it seems like this is directed towards us.." Everyone turned their attention towards him, questioning his remark, "What I mean is, Shredder knows how we are.. he knows that if there is a chance to investigate, especially on an epidemic like this, then we will certainly do it."

"So, you're saying he's just luring us in?" Mikey stepped forward, concern in his expression.

Leo sighed, annoyed, "Like I said, it's a trap."

Donny went on to further explain his theory, irritated with Leo and his suffocating arrogance, but I couldn't help but avoid the topic as I concentrated my glance upon Raph.. He was just staring at the map, his arms to his sides. He seemed so far away in that moment, like he could care less he was just standing in a topside alley. I watched carefully as he lifted his arm, placing his hand gently on the infected part of his neck. He slid his two fingers delicately over the wounded surface, keeping his eyes locked on the skies, studying the grid lines as if they held the meaning of all life. In that moment, I knew he was afraid..I could see the fear in his eyes as he contemplated his illness, worrying he may not have as much time left as everyone said he did. I wondered, then, if he was really thinking of going to one of the checkpoints..risking it all in the hands of the Shredder to find a cure..

I sighed to myself as Donny and Leo's bickering found my ears. I hated listening to them fight..they'd been on bad terms for a while now, but not as bad as Leo and Raph. I mean, at least they spoke to each other. Raph refused to say anything to Leo unless it was a smart ass remark..which didn't help the problem at all.

Donny spoke with his hands, clearly upset, "Leo, you don't understand. We can't just brush this off as your every day-"

Leo cut him off, "I think I understand pretty well what's going on, so don't act like you know more than I do."

Donny took a deep breath, "Please, all I'm trying to say is that we need to coordinate with each other on this one. We need to make a plan!"

Leo folded his arms, "A plan? You think a plan will help with this? Don, when was the last time we even thought about doing something like this. Nothing will help anymore."

"What in the hell is your problem?" Donny's fists tightened as his temper rose, something I still wasn't used to seeing..Donny was always the calm one of them all, the leveled head of the bunch, and now he was acting out..talking back..I knew he had a right to say some of the things he did, but after what happened earlier, I was afraid of just how bad their relationships had gotten..

"What's my problem?" Leo placed his foot out in front of him, leaning back sarcastically with a slight bob, "You're the one who doesn't sleep for weeks on end. Look at you. You're so weak, now. You couldn't even fight if we actually planned an attack."

"I wasn't suggesting an attack, Leo! And you have no right to judge me for the way I appear.. I stay up all those nights because I'm trying to _save_ this family! I can't stand to see Raph in so much pain! I can't stand to see the world withering away because of someone we should have taken care of years ago!"

I reached my hand out, lightly touching Donny's shoulder, "Donny..."

Leo ignored the fact I was trying to split them up, his brows pressing together as he stepped forward, "Fine..you want to think you're the good one? Why don't you just go to the check points alone, then. Be the 'savior' you've always dreamed of being, just don't drag me into it." he turned, his black coat flapping as he spun.

"Oh my god." Donny stared at him, dumbfounded, "You..really don't care, do you?"

I grabbed his arm, tugging it lightly, "Donny..please..let it go.."

He pulled his arm away, shaking his head as he chuckled, "No, no he really doesn't care! Look at him!" he gestured to Leo with both arms as he stood with his back to us, trying to be dramatic, "You know, you never did tell us how you got those scars, Leo." Leo's head turned slightly, only enough to see the edge of his jaw. Donny folded his arms, "I'll tell you a secret, I already know."

I saw Raph turn out of the corner of my eye, staring over at us. Raph had always been hungry for information about the things that happened while he was recovering, and Donny's sudden comment sparked his interest.

Leo turned, slowly, shoving a hand in his pocket. He stared at Donny for a long moment, his eyes flitting to Raph, then back to him, "..Don't."

"Donny..stop.." I grabbed his arm again, this time a little tighter. I glanced over to see Mikey leaned against the wall, the corners of his mouth turned down into a sad frown. His eyes stared weakly at the ground, lost in a world where everything was okay..where his brothers still loved each other like they were still a happy family..It made my heart ache to see him like this..to see the happiest member of our family as nothing more than a pawn in everyone else's little game.

Donny didn't care this time that I had a hold of his arm, proceeding to fire back at Leo for everything he'd caused over the years, "It was just too easy. Thinking about it, the shape of those marks, how it was only on the day we buried Master Splinter that you came home with them..I just connected the dots, Leo. If you weren't going to tell us, well, I just thought I'd figure it out on my own."

Leo walked with a furious pace over to him, standing just inches away, "Shut your gaddamn mouth, Don! Think about what you're about to-"

"What I'm about to say?" Donny cut him off, staring him in the face, "You know, you really _should_ take your own advice."

"_Shut the hell up! Both of you! Shut the fuck up!" _Suddenly, both of their eyes were on me as I stood, rage flowing over me. I bit my lip as I began to tremble, feeling a storm of tears on the way, "Shame!" I reached my hand up, smacking them both in the face, "Shame on you both!" They stared at me with shock as tears started to run down my cheeks one after the other, "Your brother's for christ's sake! _Act like it! _I'm tired of all of this! Of this fighting! Jesus! Look at your brother! Look at Mikey!" they turned their heads to glance at Mikey, "Can't you see what you're doing?!" I looked over to Raph as he looked away, folding his arms to show no interest in my lecture, "Oh, oh no, no you don't, Raph." he shot me a look, "Don't you look at me like that..don't even try it. I know what you're getting at, you think you're the innocent one. You think just because you were asleep when Splinter died that you could have been the one to save him. Guess what, Raph, you're just being a prick!"

He unfolded his arms, making a fist at me as he gritted his teeth together, "You think you can just say-"

I frowned hard at him, "Don't fucking interrupt me.." he backed off, making a low grumbling noise. I turned back to Leo and Donny. I pointed at Leo, "You. Where to begin? Oh, I know, _back the fuck off of everyone's case._ What you said to me earlier was extremely inappropriate, and I'm surprised Avolla didn't hit you for it! I'm surprised at myself that this is the first time I've physically hurt you!" I took a deep breath, trying to compose myself as I turned to Donny, "Donny..Donny I love you so much, but the way you have been acting lately is unacceptable..I understand that you just want what's best for this family, but there is a limit..You're not always right..!" I grabbed his face with both of my hands, as his eyes dropped, realizing just how much he had been upsetting me with his behavior, "Donny..please..you need to stop this obsession! You need to stop being so angry! This isn't you!"

"Uhm...guys.." we simultaneously looked towards Mikey as his voice came out of nowhere, "Not that this isn't an important conversation...but..." he pointed up at the roof of the building to our right, "Raph just left..."


	8. Chapter 8: Light Pink

Chapter 8:

Speaking: Raphael

I pounded my fist against the hard stone of the rooftop, letting out a piercing cry of anger, "Why! Why do I have to put up with them! Why do I have to put up with those **_idiots_**_!_" I balled my fists, cracking my knuckles with my thumbs, feeling my fingertips press intensely against my palms, "Yeah, _I'm the arrogant one_! Sure! Let's all just blame Raph for being the child! Let's all make _him_ feel like _shit_ while everyone fights like **goddamn four-year-olds**!"

I turned quickly, aiming my arm at the brick frame of the rooftop entrance way. I let out a grunt as I felt my knuckles scrape against the rough texture. I didn't care how much pain hurt me anymore, it's not like anything could ever amount to what I felt that night..the night we found I was infected.

I sighed heavily, letting my shell hit the wall as I rested against it, trying to hold myself together. I didn't want to be like them..no..not anymore. I snorted shortly, thinking to myself for a moment. Who were they anyway to speak so freely about me in my own presence? Did they really think I was just that dense?

My mind drifted to the thought of their argument, picking at the pieces to try and find some answers.. Don had mentioned something about Leo's scars…in fact, he'd mentioned a couple of details none of us had really ever considered before. He was right, Leo's scars _were_ suspicious..the fact that he dragged himself home in a bloody charade, sprawling himself all over the couch in a heap of pain filled moans, but never once spoke a word of what occurred that night…well, what the hell wasn't there to be suspicious about?

I folded my arms tightly in front of my chest, sliding down to sit against the wall. I was so damn tired of all the secrets… Everything was kept from me nowadays, like I was some kind of little child. Jesus, they even hid Splinter's death from me. How in the fucking world were they supposed to think I would stay calm once I found out they were hiding it from me? Why couldn't they have just told me when I woke up? Why couldn't they tell me any goddamn speck of information?

I hit my fists against the ground next to me, growling fiercely, "_How much of an idiot do they think I am!?"_

I closed my eyes, feeling a warmth starting to spread over the veins in my neck, but this was not a warmth one tends to enjoy…No, this warmth was like a million pins and needles, sticking their way through to my nerves, pushing themselves through in a violent massacre of pain… I knew it was coming… I knew my infection was flaring up…but there was no way I was ever going to let Leo touch me right now…even if he was the only one who knew how to make them stop…

I grabbed at the ground, feeling bits of loose cement collect on my fingertips as they dragged along the surface. I felt my chest begin to move, steadily picking up pace with my uneven breaths. I grunted, biting the inside of my cheek as the pins and needles felt like knives, feeling as if they might slice my veins in half, letting scalding lava pour out in place of blood.

"God! God, please, no!" I hit my head hard against the bricks, hoping any other pain would mask the awful burning. Over and over I hit the back of my head as my skin felt like it was simply burning away, decaying and rotting like a corpse in a fire…

I let out another cry, pounding my fists against the rooftop, "_Goddamnit!"_

I opened my eyes, only to squint through a blur of hot tears as they poured almost endlessly down my cheeks. As I took low, shallow breaths, trying to believe I wouldn't suffocate, I spotted something coming towards me in the distance. I cursed under my breath, knowing that I could easily be discovered in this state…God knows I needed that…

Pushing hard with my legs, I tried endlessly to lift myself, but the pain was too much. It paralyzed me, keeping me hostage to the ground as the figure only pursued me further, coming closer with each blink I took.

I swept my arm in a long, striking motion, threatening them, "S-stay away from me!"

Suddenly, I threw my head back, gasping. The pain was pulsating through my neck, squeezing my veins like a deadly python. I began to choke, grabbing at my throat as it felt like a hot-iron welding stick was shoved down my airways. Goddamnit..why..why? Why did I need Leo so fucking much? Why did it have to be _him?_ I couldn't bear the smug grin on his face if I had to run back to him, telling me how right he was..how I'd never be anything but a child!

Within a matter of seconds, my body slid sideways, scraping against the brick wall until I finally hit the hard concrete beneath me. I gagged on my saliva, trying to force breaths that would never leave my lungs. Above me, now, stood the figure, looming over my body. I could hear my heartbeat thumping through my ears, feel every blink as they knelt next to my dying body.

Through the blur of my dwindling life, I suddenly felt something I hadn't in a very, very long time. A soft, pinkish orange light shone through the slits of my eyelids as gloved hands touched my neck, gently caressing my infected area. Suddenly, my breathing returned, coming over me in gasps, followed by numerous coughs for oxygen. A numbing soon fell over my neck, the hands still moving softly over my wounds. In that moment, it wasn't relief, it wasn't joy, it wasn't thankfulness that fell over me…In that moment, I could feel their kindness washing over me…A kindness I thought I'd never feel again in my life.

As the pain dwindled away, leaving only traces of pain around the severe areas, I let my body rest, rolling slowly onto the side of my shell. I felt myself slipping away into an unconsciousness, a calming sensation wrapping around me as the glowing ceased and the figure's hands removed themselves from my skin.

Just as my eyelids began to close, they placed a single palm on the top of my head, whispering quietly into my ear, "I will be here when you wake up."

. . .

My eyelids flinched as I began to feel again, tiny sprinkles of rain falling gently on to my arms and face. I remembered the overcast covering the city before my flare up, how it smelled so strongly of rain. In the back of my mind I had hoped there would be a storm, even if it may keep me under the same roof with a family I had grown to despise.

I drew in a deep breath, feeling my chest rise and fall. The air felt good in my lungs, much better than choking on my own oxygen. It was already nightfall by the time I finally woke up, the sky scattered with grays and oranges. A thought formed in my mind that Leo and the others were probably looking for me, but, most likely, out of anger rather than worry. I knew if I returned home now I'd only be faced with an inevitable lecture. God, how I hated the way Leo tried to be our master. Didn't he know by now that no one would ever listen to him like they listened to Splinter? He tried oh so hard to be 'all wise', but he just made himself a fool in front of us. Hell, even Anocari had her last nerve with his arrogance. She was probably the person who pissed me off the least in this damn place, believe it if you may. In the past, we fought a lot, but it only occurred to me in these past couple of years that it was simply a kind of 'love' fight. Not really romantically, no, but because I am her brother. It's kind of like the saying, "I only tease you because I love you."

I rubbed my neck, sitting up to stare into the darkening sky. I looked around, caution in my eyes, remembering my mystery healer. Everything had happened so fast, they just seemed to me like a blur through all the pain. I wanted to thank them, but at the same time I was reluctant, weary of who this person might actually be. For all I knew, they only wanted me to live so they could capture me, studying me for research on the infection I had somehow survived.

My fist clenched as I thought about the last time someone had laid me on a dissection table. It had been a hell of a long time since we'd seen Bishop, but I still hated that bastard for what he tried to do to us. I could care less if he ended up being the freaking president in the future. He tried to hurt me, he tried to hurt my family, and that's something I could never forgive.

I shook my head for a moment as that thought passed through my head. I felt stupid for still caring so much about them, even if it was an event in the past.

Letting out a long sigh, I began a struggle of which I had become well accustomed to over the past year or so: getting up. It was always somewhat of a job for me to support my muscle weight after an episode like this one, especially with how weak it made me. I hated being so disoriented, but it was something I couldn't help anymore, so I just got used to it.

I placed my hand against the wall, supporting myself as my legs wobbled. My eyes moved as a neon sign at the front of the building's edge lit up, blinking wildly in a bright red before stabilizing. I took a few deep breaths, preparing myself to move to a safer place..hopefully where no one else could find me.

Slowly, but surely, I moved myself around the wall, keeping my hand firmly against the bricks. Just as I turned the corner, heading towards the pull-down ladder on the side of the building, I froze. I felt as if I would choke on my own heart as I stared down at the ground, everything seeming to spin around me in a panic. In front of me, sound asleep against the wall was my healer…sure, there were lots of aid workers around the city…but this one…oh god this one…I _knew_ this one…

I stumbled backwards, my eyes fixed completely on their hooded face, "**_J-Ji…?!_**"

Suddenly, they flinched awake, backing themselves against the wall in shock, revealing their full face as they turned to stare up at me. I knew it. It was her. It really was her. I looked her over a million times, my eyes scanning for every little detail. The olive green healer's coat, the light brown hair, the fragile hands, and…the eyes…the beautiful eyes that would never see again.

"…Ji…Ji, is that _you_…?" I stared down at her, my heart pounding furiously in my chest.

She almost seemed to shake as she rose to her knees, propping herself on her calves. As she stared at me, I remembered how quiet she always was…never saying a word unless it was required. There were times when I really liked that about her, but this was not the time for her shyness to silence her.

Finally, she moved her head, nodding slowly to confirm her identity. She looked different…different than the last time I saw her, at least. Her hair was longer and she looked..rough, almost like she had been through the same kind of hardships during the years of the infection. I thought briefly about the last time I saw her…when Leatherhead banned us from seeing each other again… I was so angry that day… I thought I'd never be happy again, and recently, I'd really started to believe that… Ji just…she held a place in my heart that no one had ever been able to grasp before. She was kind, understanding, and she never lead me the wrong way…She was true in everything she did…something that was lost in this day and age.

My hands shook as she started to stand, keeping about five feet away from me, "Ji…I…I…where...where have you-"

"I'm so sorry, Raph!" She clasped her hands together, making me flinch. I don't think I'd ever heard her speak that loud before. Her voice quieted as she took a step towards me, "…Please…let me explain…"

I was stunned, still unable to believe I was hearing her voice, looking at her face, standing right in front of her after all these years. I blinked for a moment as she stared at me with sad eyes, full of such worrisome compassion, "I…" I paused, a sudden feeling of affliction coming over me, "I looked for you…Ji, I searched everywhere…"

"Please…please let me explain…" she looked as if she could break down at any moment, her legs beginning to shake. She never did like it when people would yell, even if it wasn't at her, but I couldn't help it this time…

"No, Ji, let me explain something…Do you have any idea what's happened? Do you have any idea what _I've gone through_? Ji, I needed you! I needed you there and you weren't!" I felt myself begin to break down, "I _loved_ you, Ji, I did! And when you let Leatherhead just throw his hand upon what we had…when I saw you turn your back on me…"

Tears welled in my eyes, and I blinked, trying to hide them. She reached her hand out, taking slow, hesitant steps towards me. I looked up at her with anger in my eyes, but she continued on, standing just inches away. All at once, she placed her arms around my body, reaching all the way around to my shell. I felt her tremble as she pressed lightly against my chest, letting her tears finally escape. I wanted so much to be angry with her…I wanted to yell and scream, tell her how much she had hurt me, goddamnit…but I couldn't…I couldn't do it, not anymore.

I accepted her gentle embrace, finally letting myself go. I held her tightly, burying my face in her shoulder. She smelled so wonderful..the same sweet smell after all of these years, "Ji…Ji, please don't leave me…don't leave me again…I-I can't do it without you anymore…"

I felt her head shake as she stroked the back of my head, "No..no I won't…"

After a moment, I pulled back to stare at her, looking into her pale eyes. They had gotten worse since the last time we'd been together, and it worried me a little… Ji had been mostly blind when we'd met, but now I was sure she's lost her sight completely…

I suddenly blushed, noticing that she had been staring right back at me. Sure, she was blind, but she was able to see auras, which let her know exactly where people were and what they were feeling.

She sniffled, wiping the wetness off of her cheeks, "Raph…" she smiled lightly, her cheeks turning red, "your aura is light pink…"

I froze, realizing she had been reading my emotions the whole time. I thought for a moment…Ji had mentioned some things to me before about the meanings of a few auras…pink…light pink…that meant…

"…I love you too, Raph…" smiled up at me, placing her hands on my chest.

My cheeks were burning as I looked nervously off to the side, fumbling with my words, "Um..Ji..I…um…" I looked back into her eyes, my words shaking, "Would it…be alright if I kissed you?"

Without saying a word, she rose to her toes, pushing her lips lightly against mine. I felt my body lighten, almost as if I could float off the ground as she kissed me sweetly, lingering only for a few moments.

As she lowered herself back on her heels, she giggled, placing a hand over her lips, "Oh..you're all red now...you're aura, I mean.."

I blinked, the meaning slowly coming back to me. Yeah…what could I say? I was a man after all..

Quickly, I grabbed her hands, squeezing them tightly, "Ji. Listen to me. I want to go with you."

She smiled softly, "Of course. Where would you like to go?"

I shook my head, "No, Ji, I mean…I want to leave. I want to leave with you and go far away. I…I can't stand it here anymore…"

Her face fell as I explained to her how awful things had gotten with my brothers..with everyone. She needed to know how much I needed to get away from them, "Raph…you-you can't leave your home.."

I snorted through my nostrils, "And why not? I saw how you healed me earlier…before now, I thought Leo was the only one who could stop my flares. With you, I wouldn't have to worry about them ever again! We could be happy! Just like we were before…"

She lowered her eyes, letting her hands fall from my grip, "Raph, family is family…No matter how much they may make you want to hate them, you should love them…you never know when you'll end up alone…"

"But, Ji, you don't understand, I-"

"Raph, for me…" She raised her gaze to my eyes, her brows pressed together, forming a small wrinkle in the middle of her forehead, "Please, try to love them again as you did when we first met. You were all so strong together, and that made me happy to see.."

I sighed heavily, realizing her concerns. She knew what it was like to be without a family, to be truly alone..she'd lost hers a long time ago, and Leatherhead was the only one who cared for her. For a while, he was the only family she had, "..What do you want me to do..?"

She took my right hand, holding it firmly, "I want you to go back home and be with your family. I want you to try to be brothers again. If…if nothing gets better, or if something happens, I have a safe place we can go. It's topside, but it will do."

I drew in a large breath of air, letting it out slowly as I squeezed her hand back. I couldn't believe I was actually about to say this, but if it made her happy…then it was worth it, "Ji, only for you would I do something so fucking crazy."


	9. Chapter 9: Making Peace

Chapter 9:

Speaking: Michelangelo

Leo was in the middle of a glorious, "I'll beat the goddamn shit out of him," rant when Raph finally walked back into the lair. Of course, being the 'fabulous' leader he was, Leo was quick to jump on his ass as soon as he spotted the door cracking open.

I thought to myself, "_Damn, the guy isn't even in view and he's already up his crack."_

Leo made a great swooping gesture with his arms, taking his oncoming lecture to the next level of repetitive and obsolete to the rest of us, "Where the _hell_ do you think you've been!"

Raph hooked his thumbs through the edges of his belt, "Wherever I damn well please."

Leo glared at him as he walked silently past the rest of us, some more worried if he had actually been alive than the rest; no sarcasm implied whatsoever, "You think you can just disappear like that in the middle of a crisis? For all we know Shredder is planning another attack on Earth, and I don't think running away like a _child_ proves to be the best solution to our problems!"

There it was. We could all see the immediate reaction on Raph's face as Leo busted out the c-word again. Everyone knew Raph's biggest peeve was being treated like a child, especially by Leo. It all started when the both of them developed this crazy war over who was better than the other, and I'm not talking the back-in-the-day kind of argument. Back then, they would fight, be mad, and it would be over in about an hour. Now, they would refuse to speak to each other for weeks, even months, only giving each other dirty glares as they passed ways from time to time. It's funny, I almost envied the way they paid attention to each other. At least they acknowledged each other's existence…me, I was just a fly on the wall, a nuisance no one wanted to deal with.

I mean, I couldn't really blame them for treating me the way they did. Compared to theirs, my life was rainbows and sunshine. Nothing majorly bad had happened to me yet…and I never fought with any of them. Don and I even seemed to get along pretty well most of the time. I was just lucky he brought Anocari into the family so long ago. She was the only one who really sat down to have a decent conversation with me anymore. Sure, there was always Avolla, but she stuck really hard to Leo's side these days. There was always something she needed to do for him, or something she had to calm him down from. I felt bad for her, really… If you asked me, Leo kind of treated her like shit more often than not. She tried endlessly to comfort him after his accident, but all she got in return was an earful of 'I don't need your help, just leave me alone.' Since then, she mainly just stuck to training in her free time. Leo was always a hard ass about developing skills, so I guessed she just wanted something to talk about with him other than the fact he had been a giant a-hole over the past couple of years.

"Who the fuck are you calling a child?" Raph turned his head back, peeking a violent glance in Leo's direction.

Leo placed his hands on his sides, "I'm sorry, you'll have to say that again. I don't speak_ toddler._"

We all braced ourselves, waiting for the thundering explosion Raph would dish out for us all, but something very interesting unfolded in its place…

Raph opened his mouth for a moment, bringing his fist up next to his face. Stopping for a moment, he clenched his teeth, letting out a grunting noise as he closed his eyes. His fist shook in an up and down motion as he shook his head from side to side, letting out a long, sighing breath from his nostrils, "…You know…I almost didn't come back today. I thought, hell, who needs em'? Who needs a family who constantly argues all the time, who can't face what's right in front of them without bickering about who's the smartest fucking asshole?" he looked up, staring around the room for a short moment before continuing on, "So, why did I come back? Well, I'll tell you. I came back _solely _to give this godforsaken family a second chance. For once, I wanted to work things out and _try_ to get along again." he looked down to his hands, clenching them in tight fists, "Someone…someone very smart told me that I shouldn't give up on the ones who love me, even if it may seem like they don't…they…they know what it's like to lose everything…to grow up without a shoulder to lean on…Can not one of you tell me that you don't want to lose that…?"

"…He's right." Hesitantly, I took a step forward, glancing around the room. I was nervous to speak out in front of them, worrying they may not even listen to me, "Guys, he's right…I've…I've sat back for far too long, watching this place fall to pieces…Why did we let it get this way?" I took a deep breath, composing myself for what I was about to say…or cause, "Just because Splinter is gone…does not mean we should be at war with each other about who's the new leader…I think we need to work together, be our _own_ leaders…not tear each other apart to find out who's the best…"

Leo's shoulders relaxed as he stared at Raph, taking my words into account. I felt at ease now that I'd gotten somewhat of what was on my chest out in the open. It felt good to have input, but not be yelled at like I didn't know anything…or worse, ignored.

"You're really ready to try?" Leo gestured his hand in front of him, waiting for a response from Raph.

Slowly, Raph began to nod, his fingers moving nervously by his sides, "I'm ready to try as long as the rest of you are… I want no bullshit…"

"And why is this so important to you now?" Donny stepped forward, Anocari's arm latched to his, "Why now? Why after everything you've done and said do you want to try now?" he scoffed, "I'm sorry for breaking the mood, but I'm sure it's the question on everyone's mind."

"I told you…" Raph's words were low as he struggled to explain his motives, "someone… someone I used to know reminded me of how important all of this is… and I don't want to disappoint them…"

Donny rolled his eyes, turning away to the side. He looked back for a moment, a deep anger in his eyes as he stared intensely at Raph, "You said you didn't want bullshit, huh?"

I saw Anocari frown as they turned away, retreating to his room. I knew she wanted peace as much as the rest of us…and Donny's words only worried her, but what could she do? He was her husband. She'd tried many times in the past to help him out of his slump, and sometimes succeeded, but I think we all knew nothing could help him now…

"You know…he has a point, Raph." Leo spoke carefully, taking into account that Raph was already pissed as hell.

"_Whatever_! None of that should _matter_ now!" he placed a foot out in front of him, his fists clenching by his sides, "Can't you see that I'm trying to just _fucking make up_ with you? How hard can you all be?!"

Leo sighed hard, letting a gust of breath out of his chest. I knew this was hard for him, forgiving Raph, I mean. For so long, he had convinced himself that he was above Raph. Now that he was trying to make up for what he'd done, Leo had sunk down. He was the lesser, now, and we could all tell it was killing him inside.

Raph turned, placing his hands on the back of the couch, leaning over to stare into the cushions, "…Please, just accept it."

There was a long moment of silence as Leo stood, his dead eyes in the direction of Raph's body. Leo may have been blind, but there were choice times when you believed he could still see you. He'd mentioned a few times that he could see shapes and outlines, forming from the echoes bouncing around, but it was just a little creepy the way his grayed eyes would fix on you, almost as if he were staring into your mind.

Suddenly, as if some miracle had burst into the air, Leo's arm rose. He hesitated for a moment, then opened his palm, offering Raph his hand, "…If you think we can do it…then I guess I can believe it too…I'm…" he stopped as Raph rose, staring at his hand as if he'd seen a ghost. I guess I wasn't the only one who was surprised Leo would cave like that, "…I'm sorry."

And just like that, for a moment, it seemed as if we'd forgotten about how much we'd hurt each other, about the awful things we'd done and said. For a moment, it seemed like everything was going to be okay again as Raph touched palms with Leo. Their hands shook firmly, but only long enough for them to nod and turn away again.

Avolla hugged Leo, proud of his decision to let his brother back in his life. She held him for a long moment, whispering something in his ear, and kissing him on the cheek. I could tell it had been a long time since they were last even remotely intimate with each other, and it even brought tears to her eyes to hold her husband again.

I smiled at Raph, patting his shoulder as Anocari finally broke Don of his steel cage, pulling him by the hand as they made their way back into the room. She wore that famously wide smile of hers as she gathered us all in, throwing out a hug in her long arms. I could tell she only wished she could wrap them around all of us, but crushing our necks as we bent to endure her grip was just enough for her.

I felt warm as I noticed everyone in the room was smiling…something that hadn't occurred in over two years. The girls were laughing, crying even, but not from sadness, from their happiness. Who knew that one simple handshake could suddenly change everything…that it could make everything somehow seem like nothing had ever even happened.

I let out a breath of air, balancing my seat on the edge of the couch, "So, does this mean we can finally work together?" they all looked at me and I almost wanted to cry. They hadn't looked at me all together like that in years…

"I…I guess it does, Mikey." Leo put his hands in his coat pockets, glancing around the room at everyone through his glasses, "We still have a lot to go over about this last incident…so it would be best if we did."

It was suddenly quiet again, the tension slowly creeping back down the walls. Donny lowered his head, leaning against the big chair, "Yep…the sky map," he looked up, "right?"

We all bobbed our heads, thinking the same thought. It was obvious now that Shredder was planning something. He wouldn't just have Karai announce to the entire city if he wasn't. Now, our problem was simply figuring out just what he was planning.

Anocari wrapped her arm around Donny's, letting out a sigh, "…I know you guys didn't like Donny's idea, but I spoke with him, and I really think you need to give it a chance." She smiled up at him, pressing against his side.

"..Alright, Don, what's your idea, then?" Leo spoke cautiously, trying not to spark any unwanted tension between them.

"Well," he hunched his shoulders, thinking for a moment, "I really believe we should _at least_ check these things out…the checkpoints, I mean. If we're even going to get close to figuring out what the hell Shredder is planning, if anything, we need to get some close up views."

"Meaning we need a disguise." Raph rolled his shoulders, casually leaning back on the couch, "If the theory that this is a trap made for us, then we can't let Shredder notice we've crashed his 'party'."

Donny observed his white lab coat, hiding his fatigued body from lack of nutrition over the years, "Well, two of us already wear coats. I suggest the both of you do the same."

"I'm sure Anocari and I can dig up some hats and things to hide everyone's faces." Avolla placed a wrist on her hip.

Anocari huffed, looking up at Donny, "Yeah, we have to remember that not everyone enjoys these lovable faces." She put her hands on his cheeks puffing out his lips to peck them.

Donny rolled his eyes, giving her a look, "..I'm not sure if that was supposed to be a compliment…"

Suddenly, as I watched everyone in the room converse, plan, goof a little, I found myself smiling. Smiling, so much, in fact, that even the others noticed the grin across my face.

"..What's that for, Mikey?" Leo placed a hand on his side, giving me a suspicious expression.

I let out a short breath through my nostrils, "It's just, I missed this…and it makes me happy to see everyone..well..acting normally again." I scratched the back of my head.

Leo held up his hand in somewhat of a cautionary way, "Mikey…you know this is really serious, right? You know that we're not just doing this to go out and have a good ol' time fighting like-"

"Oh for christ's sake, shut the hell up Leo." Everyone was shocked as Avolla finally spoke out above Leo for the first time in years. For so long she had simply stood back and let him command the rest of us, afraid of what he might have become, but this was finally her chance. Everyone was together again, well, so to speak, and she could finally speak her mind.

He turned to her, an in-between look of surprise and anger on his face, "Avolla you-"

"No, Leo. Stop it." She made her way over to me, smiling warmly as she put her arms gently around me, "I know how you feel, Mikey…I'm happy, too." She turned back to everyone, taking in a large breath, "So, I suppose it's time to break out the costumes boys. Time to go trick-or-treating."


End file.
